The Steve Ballmers Clippers served as an old XBox

The Pelicans unplugged the Clippers controller.

The Pelicans unplugged the Clippers controller.
Picture: Getty Images

Man, Steve Ballmer had to feel really good when he first got Paul George and Kawhi Leonard. I mean like “Steve Ballmer hosts a pep rally” good or “Christmas morning gifts as a child” good. He felt “Just bought a brand new XBox and is barely able to drive home below the speed limit” well.

And, boy, is a new Xbox fun. You might play it for a year. Halo and Gears of War are amazing, but before you can even get used to A, B, X, Y over square, circle, triangle and X during a season of NCAA College Football, you get the red death ring , and there’s nothing you or Microsoft can do to revive your once shiny, utopia-promising toy.

Unlike my expensively discarded XBox, the Clippers still have a chance to fulfill the title that Leonard and George promised, but that will not happen this year. Ty Lue did everything he could to try to get this team to the off-season, and yet there was still a bug in the system, with a positive COVID test that forced George to sit out what ended up being the team’s last game of the season, a 105. -101 loss to the Pelicans Friday night.

(If you ask, yes, then I will continue to milk this acceptable analogy for the whole $ 375 that that junk cost me. I still play my Playstation 3, even though it sounds like a jet engine, because Uncharted games are fun to revisit, and because they still work.)

I doubt any LA fans have dabbled in Clippers fandom that I dived into lousy Microsoft technology after a successful stay with a story like Playstation or the Lakers, and how can you blame someone who was stupid enough to to try to flip-flop back to the old reliable? Clippers as a franchise feels like a lifeless piece of technology. If existing counts as “history history”, they have it in spades.

I’ve made an article about LA’s second NBA team a few different times, and it may be that I’m not as good at a writer as I think I am, but no one seemed to read them. That said, the reason I think no one is reading these pieces is because the Clippers do not evoke emotion in one way or another.

It’s hard to find an angle when writing about Clippers because they are Clippers. Donald Sterling was out of ownership and every guy on that team was still playing basketball as if they hated life. Adding a few hometown talents did not make the team loved by LA fans. If anything, it made the two stars traitors for not going to the Lakers, and made the franchise a little more annoying.

Yes, LeBron James and Anthony Davis had an all-time embarrassing season this year, but they won a title. The Lakers craving came as no surprise to more pressure than Lue, who outperformed without his best players.

You can call the Clippers’ play-in loss to the Pelicans Friday night a choke job if you will. They were up three with five minutes left. But the real wasted opportunity – besides having an MVP in the final and an All-NBA wing at their best age in three years with only one appearance in the Western Conference Finals to show for it – was Tuesday night against Minnesota, when George played, and the team still wasted a 10-point lead in the fourth quarter and a playoff spot for teams whose best player was in bad trouble throughout the match.

We are well past the point where we expect this team to fight for a title. They can add all the All Stars, coaches, arenas and fans that Microsoft can buy and the end result will be the same. The public is coming their way because they are in LA and they have legally good players. Basketball writers are required to talk about the Clippers in the same way they are required to talk about Brooklyn.

Good work, boys. Way to find the two teams in large markets that evoke a collective “Meh.” It’s like buying a Ferrari SUV. You can brag about being in LA or New York or a car for $ 300,000, anything you want, but that does not make it cool. Kevin Durant and Kyrie Irving at least give interesting or quirky quotes.

I’m done pretending to be passionate about Clippers stories. The only reason I wrote this was that I had an XBox analogy that works on two levels, I have a steak with Microsoft, and it’s funny to see billionaires’ expensive toys go up in flames.

Wait, does “exhausted by a team’s exaggerated nothingness” qualify as an emotion? It does?! Well, shit, I’m guessing there’s congratulations to the Clippers – because it’s definitely not the playoffs.

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