Camila Cabello has never shyed away from shouting disgraceful comments, but the singer is still struggling with insecurity when she is photographed wearing a bikini, she admits in an candid new note to fans, which was posted on Instagram on Saturday.
In her note, Cabello shared how she had spent the day at a beach club in Miami, one where she is regularly “cardboarded” or persecuted by the paparazzi. Being photographed while in a bathing suit has always made her feel “super-vulnerable and unprepared”, and this weekend’s visit was no different. Despite wearing a new bikini and a “totally f *** in ‘cute outfit” to show off, the “Havana” singer felt “self-conscious” and hyper-conscious about the paparazzi documenting her time on the beach and worrying about images that may come out and how they will make her feel with her body.
“I kept my core so tight that my abdominal muscles hurt and did not breathe and hardly smiled and was so self-conscious about where the pops were all the time that I could not let go and relax and do what we had to do, when we go out into nature, “Cabello wrote, adding that she also avoided eating” too heavy “before going to the beach. “I was tired of pretending they were not there, but I could not, and I held my breath from my deck chair to the sea … I knew I looked ‘good’ in the pictures and thought I would feel accomplished, and yet I have never had a worse time at the beach. I felt the emptiness and sadness of our culture’s thoughts that became my thoughts. “
The former Fifth Harmony member also recounted how she used to feel carefree when she was on the beach until being photographed and ashamed of her body acidified the experience.
“I’ve been wearing bikinis [too] small and did not care what I looked like, saw pictures online and got so upset, “admitted Cabello, who last summer commented on feeling” insecure “about her body after paparazzi photos of her went viral and drew some negative comments.
Talking to Busyness in August last year, she described the feeling that “my body insecurity went down” after shutting down body-shamers online. “No matter what pictures come out or what people say, I now control the narrative,” she added.
But in her heartfelt post on Saturday, Cabello noted that while she can recognize how toxic society’s body standards can be, and does the work to distance herself from it, she still wants to “look ‘good.”
“I reminded myself, when it affected my self-esteem, that I was thinking the thoughts of culture and not my own,” she wrote. “A culture that has become so accustomed to a picture of what a ‘healthy’ female body looks like is completely not right for many women. Photoshop, restrictive eating, over-exercise and choice of angles that make our body look different from how they are in the present and in their natural form when we take a deep breath, when we eat a meal, when we let the waves beat us around.I remind myself of this, listen to podcasts about intuitive eating, follow “Women who accept their cellulite, stretch marks, stomachs, bloating and weight fluctuations … and still. I’m a single woman in my 20s in the middle of a ton of commercials and I want to feel good. ‘”
After her recent beach run with the paparazzi, the Cuban-born star felt compelled to open up about how she felt about this pressure.
“We see pictures of women and praise them for looking good, for looking fit or ‘healthy’, but what is health if you are so fixated on how your body looks that your mental health suffers, and you can not enjoy your life Who am I trying to look attractive to, and am I even attractive to myself if I can not let go and relax and have fun and play on a beautiful day at the beach? ” she wrote. “I’m not yet at the point on my journey where I can not give of ***. Intellectually, I know how I look, do not decide how healthy, happy or sexy I am. Emotionally, the messages I receive from our world is high in my own head.
“Ironically, all the therapy, all the inner work, trying to get back to feeling like a 7-year-old is me on the beach,” continued Cabello, who recently spoke with She Mexico about trying to reconnect to his childhood-self by speaking Spanish. “I’m mourning her today. Happy, silly, breathing, pretending to be a mermaid, FREE.”
Cabello, whose vulnerable posts received a stream of support, also talked about pushing back against body shame during a performance on The late late show last year.
“I was like, you know what, it’s normal. It’s like my weight will go up and down,” she told James Corden. “We also have these crazy beauty standards from naughty Instagram of people who are Photoshopped, or if they are not Photoshopped, it’s not every woman’s body.
She continued: “We are real women and we have curves and we have cellulite and we have fat. And it’s like a lot just having these crazy, unrealistic standards that make us feel bad about ourselves and get us to feel okay. to go out i have to hide my body or put on a big t-shirt. “
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